Wednesday 14 June 2017

Swimming to the shore

I have been lonely, very lonely since a prolonged time.My parents left me at a tender senelity of 9 years when I was still battling to comprehend everything.Since then till the age I reached my early twenties I never new what like being together was.How a world where more than one individual staying together share a camaraderie of fondness,warmth & endearment work..The words itself were anomalous to me  & slowly I dint want it either. I was quiet convinced that I was one individual who were to have an isolated life forever.I had no friends & was an egotist narci for outsiders creating  a barricade for anyone to intrude in.

        Life was going on at a wearisome steady pace  when suddenly life had some other devastated plans.She appeared like a fresh dew in  life and things metamorphosed. One who was dragging life on fondness for seclusion was now enslaved by the trifling presence of this individual .she made me feel fulfilled,blossoming a bent for life.The best part of all of it was that I felt like I always wanted this.She cared for me like a mother,scolded me like a father,teased me like a friend& loved me like a wife.All those relations which were never meant for me were now  accomplished by  this one individual.We were so much into each other & I was no more the cocooned one.Life was so perfect when  suddenly that one ill-starred day when she met with an accident & was gone forever.Leaving me deserted to  face the demeaned savage truth of this universe .I love her so much how will I reside? .Why have I changed?Why did she come in my life?Why did she leave me?So many Questions,No one to answer. God please let the monstrosity demise me before I confront tomorrow.You cannot recur the same offence with one particular, seizing from  him all that he had.

I am lonely ,lonely again & this time its darker out here.Why darker?because then I was a  too young for making fond memories but this time the memories are carved on my heart & mind.Memories that can never be bygone. The sanity too  has gone with her .I am walking by the seaside when a family asks me to click a photo.The camera makes me remember her she was so fond of getting clicked.And the second meeting when I was still anxious she compelled me to take a pic of ours.I went home took out my mobile and in front of the mirror tried clicking pics of myself.But wait my tears are not stopping .Im eating food and I want someone to put the first  bite of  bread in my mouth.The tears are rolling and the dry bread is  wet.I try reading a book & suddenly wait for somebody to pat my head & snatch the book from my hands.

I try ending life.I take out a blade to cut my veins but alas keep flipping & finally put it off. I go to the lone island and im walking from the side lane into the deepwaters. Im finally going to detach myself from the loneliness & from the reminiscence that gives me so much pain.Im about to get covered with water.When suddenly I feel someones hand on my shoulders.I turn to see & its she draped in haze dust  but disappears very soon.When I turn again I start drowning I pull myself up and start swimming to the shore......